Trading Places

Sometimes I’m just in the wrong place.

I walk into Starbucks in the dark of the very early morning before dawn and drop my books and computer in “my” place – the table the baristas say they’re going to put a plaque on with my name in case anyone should arrive before me and not know that it’s “mine”.  My guy Cory’s been known to tackle customers with their eye on my spot.

I sit for a minute and resist the urge to open my computer immediately.  I try to feel what I’m feeling…Anxiety, butterflies, stress…fear??  Yes, fear.

Fear of failure.  Of not adding value.  Not producing.  Ugh.

And then I come across this, scribbled in a notebook I keep in my purse.

Yep.  I have FPSD.  FearPrideSuccessDisorder.  You too?

Fear moves me to try to do more, control more…to try to BE God.  Try to take care of…everything.

Pride and Success move me to think I AM more…I AM God, so I don’t really need Him.  I am taking care of…everything.  Thank you very much.

Either way I’m in the wrong place.

It’s because I’m choosing to take the place of God that I’m sunk.

Half the battle is identifying and admitting.

Hi, I’m Laura and I’m afraid.  I’m afraid because I’m in the wrong place.  The place reserved for You, God.”*

The second half of the battle is saying, “I want to trade places.”

I make myself stop and breathe.  And pray.  And read a Psalm*, and journal.

It’s pure discipline, but God meets me in the moment and settles me down a tiny bit.

The Lord reigns, He is robed in majesty;
the Lord is robed in majesty and armed with strength;
indeed, the world is established,  firm and secure.
Your throne was established long ago;
you are from all eternity. 

Here, Lord, take my place.

Can you relate to FPSD?  What is helpful to you in treating this condition?

* Ezekiel 28:1,2

* Psalm 89:8-9, 15-17

5 Comments

  1. Psalm 19…God is so much bigger than I could ever begin to imagine. He is in control. His Word is truth. FPSD, yes, that would be me!

  2. Good word, Laura! Thank you!

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  3. Laura, Oh my, you caught me right in an area of my life that catches me off guard so many times…Fear…. which draws me to pride ,and then control .. I know that this way of being is not where God is inviting me.. The stinking thinking usually shows up when I feel desperately out of control ,i’m very tired and my mind is anywhere but resting in Christ..Yes,half the battle is noticing ,and admitting, God , you are in control not my fragile,prideful fearful success driven self.. I also start feeling like God doesn’t love me anymore and for goodness sakes …. where does that come from! I liked what you said Laura ,” I’m Sylvia and I’m afraid . I’m afraid because I’m in the wrong place … I have tried to usurp your place of honor Lord in my life”.. Yes, stating the obvious ,I want to trade places with you Lord, sometimes feels wimpy .. As I take time to be and just let God love me in the quiet ,God begins to reveal his patience and love for me right where I am.. Also, many times the old hymns “Let the mind of Christ my savior be in me from day to day” or Have thine own way Lord ,have thine own way ,you are the potter ,I am the clay. Mold me and make me after your will ,while i am waiting yielded and still” . Thanks Laura for fleshing out FPSD for me..

    • I think your observation about how fatigue can come into play in our distorted thinking is so true! And I love the reminder of the old hymn! Thank you Sylvia!

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