Tag: self-worth

The Most Important Question to Ask When You’re Discouraged

Anyone else ever look at others, compare, and come up short in your estimation of yourself?

Like, daily?

Yeah, me too.

The other night just before I went to bed I read a post from one of my favorite instagram accounts. It was beautiful, insightful, and everything I wish I had said. That didn’t bother me. It inspired me.

What triggered me was an enthusiastic comment on the post by another talented person I know. I felt like I was back in Middle School and these women were at the “in” kids table, while I was at the loser table.

They’ve done nothing wrong. These are gifted women affirming one another, but some days it feels like all the cool kids are all saying to each other:

“Oh you’re the best!”

“No YOU’RE the best!”

“No, really YOU’RE the best!”

“Ok, well we’re all the best and isn’t it great to be us?

And meanwhile, a million beautiful, beloved, unsung, made-in-the-image of God women like you are adding value, and joy, and celebration, and creativity, and love to the world.

Maybe that specific example isn’t yours, but there’s another area of life where you are tempted to compare and feel “less than”. Usually it’s in an area where you’re trying to make a difference – parenting, career, leadership, creativity…

Satan loves to whisper in your ear, “The reason no one is noticing you is because you’re not good enough. Not good enough.”

But God asks us the most important question that we need to answer when we’re feeling discouraged or afraid.

It’s the one He asked Adam in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:11).

It’s the one my small group reminds each other of when we’re down on ourselves:

“Who told you that…?”

Who told you that you’re not good enough? God, or someone else who’s not God?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Cor, 10:5

A friend of mine suggests two color journaling. You write how you’re feeling in one color down one side of the page, and write a corresponding truth in a different color down the other side of the page.

It’s a good exercise to help adjust your perspective, but it’s still hard for it to truly make a difference.

It’s hard to move the truth from our head to our heart.

Maybe a second question to ask is: “How much am I filling my mind with the words of others and how much am I filling my mind with God’s Words?”

The words of the Creator of the universe say, “You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You have unique gifts and talents. You are chosen to contribute in a way that no one else can, even if no one other than Me says, ‘You’re the best!'”

This isn’t a formula. It’s not a one and done. We feel what we feel! But maybe this is a start.

What’s the lie Satan whispers to you most often? What’s the truth God would speak over you?

You are beloved and He rejoices over you with singing!

What’s the area where you’re most prone to compare and be discouraged?

3 Crucial Questions Elizabeth May Have Asked

The sun is setting outside the sanctuary windows. I work hard to be present – to continue listening as a friend in the pew speaks to me before evening worship starts. I pray silently that she doesn’t see the tears that threaten to expose my emotional response to what she is saying. It’s stupid.

“I’m over this,” I scold myself. “I’ve been over this for years!”. The little stab of pain surprises me in the way a driver cutting you off in traffic catches you off guard.

My friend is rhapsodizing about another woman. A wonderful, talented, godly, beautiful woman who I too, cheer for. Over and over, my friend says, “She’s just SO GOOD! She’s just SO GIFTED!”

99% of the time I would just happily agree, but this evening, in this setting, where others are validated with titles and pay-checks, the Evil One translates “good” and “gifted” to “chosen where you’re not good enough”, “important where you’re not“. The words aren’t true, but they bump into a wound that makes them feel true. The wound has healed over with much prayer and attention, but there’s a scar, and in the right circumstances it can surprise me with a leftover ache.

I’m still trying to brush away the feelings of inadequacy as we sing the opening praise song. “Let the King of my heart be the shadow where I hide.”

Yes, Lord, help me to hide in You, in Your place for me, in Your words about me, in Your story.

Can any of you relate to this? Are there times when emotion – pain, fear, envy, resentment – knock you upside the head without warning?

This morning I was reading Luke 1… about Elizabeth, who, with a wound of infertility, accepted her supporting role for other characters who in turn pointed to Jesus as the main character. She was a cheerleader for Mary – the one who got pregnant with the Messiah without even trying. And mother to John the Baptist, odd desert-dweller, announcing the main event.

Maybe Satan whispered in Elizabeth’s ear,  You’re not important like her! Child-bearing came easy for her because she’s SPECIAL and you’re not! You’re just an ‘also ran’. Her kid will be perfect. Yours just a bug-eater”

And yet Elizabeth was humble and affirming of Mary.

You’re so blessed among women,
    and the babe in your womb, also blessed!
And why am I so blessed that
    the mother of my Lord visits me?
The moment the sound of your
    greeting entered my ears,
The babe in my womb
    skipped like a lamb for sheer joy.
Blessed woman, who believed what God said,
    believed every word would come true! Luke 1:42-45

Maybe there were times when Elizabeth’s scar ached in Mary’s presence. But I think it was because she knew it wasn’t about her OR about Mary that she had this godly perspective. It’s about Jesus. Always about Jesus.

It’s not about you. Or me.

But I wonder, did Elizabeth ever need to step back, be still, and ask:

  • Where is this pain coming from?
  • What is true? What does GOD say?
  • Who’s the hero of my story?

God’s provision is often different from what we envision. Sometimes we forget the most important thing – He’s the author and main character in the Grand Story of redemption.

Today, can we be thankful we get to be supporting characters?

THE Question, Part 1

Our daughter, Maggie, and her boyfriend, Austin, have been visiting for this hot 4th of July week.  Woohoo!  It’s been wonderful time of bikes and boats and barbecues.

For Austin, who’s never been in Minnesota before that’s meant one-thousand-four-hundred-and-ninety-eight “first” conversations getting to know new people.  Fortunately he’s patient and gracious and delightful.

But those “good-to-meet-ya” conversations aren’t easy for all of us.  Because of  THE question.

You know how it goes…You meet someone new and practically before you can say your name is Rumplestiltskin, the next question is, “So, what do you do?”

Rephrased: Just how important are you?

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