Ok, many of you reading this may not be single. Or a woman. But who doesn’t have single friends we want to love well? I think this is post in our series “5 Questions About…” will be helpful for all of us. Claire Wyatt is one of my many incredibly-talented-beautiful-inside-and-out-full-of-life single friends. She writes a witty blog called Single Christian Girls. You should totally check it out!
1. What lies are you tempted to believe during this season of singleness? What is God reveling to you about his character?
One of the main lies I go to is wondering if I’m single because I’m being punished, or if God is trying to teach me a lesson but in a very vindictive sense. I have to CONSISTENTLY remind myself that God is good and that all of my sins have been taken care of on the cross. While I might be disappointed that I’m not married, God’s plans are better than my plans. Not only because he’s God, but because He knows me even better then I know myself. He also loves me even more then I love myself. If I rest in that, being single feels manageable.
2. What has been your worst experience as a single woman?
Well I have several, because honestly, as much as I preach a glass half full attitude, sometimes it does suck.
- Dating. Dating is TERRIBLE. I have more awful dating stories then I think one person should have, but they just keep happening. I’m like Neville in Harry Potter, walking around, muttering, “why is it always me?”
- Going to the Emergency Room alone. This sucks. Worst moment ever as a single person? That time that I drove myself to the ER. Let me tell you how depressing that is. And, also, doctors, could they be a little more sensitive? Have they not heard of bedside manner? I don’t want to have to tell you 12 times that I’m not in a relationship and no, I have no one to pick me up. Let me suffer alone.
- Getting stuck at the singles table at a wedding. There is honestly nothing more degrading. It’s like the adult version of the kids table.
3. What do you find most encouraging or helpful from others in this season?
Vulnerability. From both my married friends and my single friends. Having a great group of single girl friends that will rejoice with me over a date that wasn’t a total disaster, or will listen to me when being single just feels really rough. In those special conversations, wither they are serious or silly, I’m reminded that I’m not alone in my feelings and experiences. I even think of my married friends who are really honest about their marriages. They share the good stuff, and we celebrate it together, but they also tell me about the things that aren’t so great. It reminds me that every life stage has its hardships. I shouldn’t be so quick to want to give up mine.
4. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned over the past 5 years?
I think I used to wonder either:
- What is wrong with me, or
- Why are guys so stupid?
So that doesn’t really bother me anymore. I might be a little weird, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I don’t need a relationship to tell me that.
For the second (guys being stupid), I’m sorry to all men. I was emotional, and I don’t know what I was thinking. You aren’t stupid. You’re great. And you’re right; we wouldn’t have worked together anyway.
5. How do you balance your desires to be married with living present to God in the moment?
I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about calling lately, and how God has called us to be at the exact stage of life that we’re at, job, housing situation, relationship status, etc. So with all that in mind, I think of what I’m called for today, not ten years from now, but literally, what is God calling me to do in the next 24 hours. So far, none of those things have been marriage. It’s been to work hard at my job, to study well for my CFA exam, to listen to a friend when she calls, to spend time with my brother, to write a blog that’s going to make a single girl laugh. Focusing on those callings puts thoughts of marriage on the back burner. The desire is still there, but it’s not all consuming.
Additional Resources Clare Recommends:
Post: You are Significant with or Without the Significant Other by Shauna Niequist.