Hey Friends, I originally wrote this as one post, but it got so long I decided to split it into three parts, that I’ll publish throughout this week. I’ve cut back so I usually only post once a week, so if you don’t like getting extra mail, just wait a week 🙂 My prayer is that if you’re married or thinking about getting married, you’ll spend some time reflecting on each commitment and add your own thoughts in the comments.
It was about 35 years ago when husband John and I got the news about a nationally known mentor of ours who had had an affair and was being removed from ministry. We felt like we had been in an earthquake and every picture that had been hung straight was now crooked. We were stunned. Heart-broken.
At the time, we were serving at a church in the suburbs of Chicago and spending that evening with close friends who had started an inner-city ministry. Together we wept and John said “If this can happen to ____________, it can happen to anyone.”
In a rare moment of clarity I yelled, “THIS DIDN’T JUST HAPPEN TO THEM!!! They made a series of choices!”
And choices have consequences, AMIRIGHT?
Since that day there have been many other sad stories of moral failing whether in ministry or not. And there are many more I’m sure that have never come to light. It seems more shocking and painful when it’s in the church because we expect Christians to be “the good guys”.
And in our own lives we think, “That could never happen to me!” But Bob Goff shares a story of how even tiny choices over time can have disastrous effects. He tells of navigating a sailboat by the stars from California to Hawaii when he didn’t know what he was doing. He got a map and charted a course. He made a straight line with a ruler, but didn’t take into account the difference between true and magnetic north – only a couple of degrees. Over a short distance it might only get you off course a few feet, but between California and Hawaii, being a couple of degrees off causes you to miss the island completely!
Every little choice we make, can either keep us on track towards “Hawaii”, or send us into rough, shark invested waters.
Every choice can build trust and nurture our marriage, or move us towards a riskier, more vulnerable place, away from faithfulness.
There are 3 crucial commitments that I think can strengthen our marriages and keep us on course.
- Commit to Nurture
When we first came to the church where we’re serving, almost 30 years ago, we had two toddlers. It was an intense, stressful, exhausting season of life. There was a wise older couple in our congregation who came to us and said,
“You’re going to be tempted to be totally focused on your kids, but your marriage is even more important. You have to invest in each other. We have a condo in Florida and we want you to go use it every year, but there’s one caveat. You can’t take your kids. It is to be a place for you to nurture your marriage.”
For ten years we went there and every year for the first 24 hours we’d worry about the kids, but then something magical always happened. We’d relax and look at each other and say, “Wow! I remember why I married you! You’re really terrific!”
I know, I know, you all wish you had someone offering you a condo in Florida, but that’s not the point. 🙂
What are you doing intentionally to nurture your marriage? It might be as simple as setting a goal to specifically affirm your spouse 3 times a day, or pray together before you go to sleep at night, or make sure you take a regular date night.
As you go through your day, pay attention to the choices you’re making. Do a kind of marriage Examen. Where are you nurturing your relationship and where are you neglecting it? Where do you sense the presence and pleasure of God?
Thanks Laura, I need that reminder and an exercise assignment.
So glad!